


High on Emotion

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: mcsheplets, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-21
Updated: 2011-02-21
Packaged: 2017-10-15 20:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/164809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If something should happen to either them, could John live without regrets for what could have been?</p>
            </blockquote>





	High on Emotion

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LJ's mcsheplets prompt #70 High

"WOW, that color really suits you."

John frowned as he wasn't wearing any green but Rodney was staring at him intently, with his blue eyes bright and wide...and glassy.

"You should wear green more often. I like green. Trees are green. Grass is green. Do I like grass? Grass makes me sneeze." Rodney gave him a happy smile. "I smoked grass once."

"Jesus, McKay, just how many of these tablets did you take?"

John snatched the blister pack of antihistamines out of Rodney's hand and counted seven missing. He'd seen Keller hand the fresh pack to Rodney this morning, before they headed through the gate to visit Teyla and her people on New Athos. Rodney had moaned at being dragged away from his _very important research_ to _Allergy World_ but a promise was a promise, and they had promised Teyla that they would attend Torren's naming ceremony. After all, he was Torren JOHN Emmagan.

John made Rodney sit down on the thick trunk of a fallen tree while he read through the medical leaflet that accompanied the packet. _Use of antihistamines in high doses delivers a deliriant effect._

"You don't say," he murmured. At least Rodney hadn't taken a dangerously high level, but still, "We're heading back."

When he looked down, Rodney had slumped. His eyes were droopy and he was swallowing awkwardly as if his mouth was dry. When John gripped his shoulder, Rodney looked up and then flinched back in alarm, and John crouched down in front of him--worried.

"Your hair moved." Rodney grinned. "Always thought it was a separate living entity." He reached up and petted John's head like he was stroking a cat. It felt so good, having Rodney's fingers running through his hair, and when he realized he was leaning into the caress, John pulled back out of reach. Rodney pouted like a small child denied a favorite toy before his smile brightened once more. "I can assign Greedo from Biology to study it."

"I'm assuming you mean Dr. Greedom, and the answer is no." He grabbed Rodney by the arm and dragged him to his feet. "Come on. Let's go see Keller."

The walk back to the gate would have been amusing under other circumstances and, no doubt, John would enjoy the funny side of seeing Rodney high as a kite later--once Rodney was safely in Keller's hands. For now though, he felt only concern, and a little annoyance at the way Rodney kept touching him.

"You have an ass!" Rodney crowed as his hand groped that part of John's anatomy, reminding him of that time when he was goosed on Tower world.

"We all have an ass, McKay." He wriggled but the only way to stop the groping hand was to push Rodney away.

"I have an ass. A very nice ass." He waggled his finger. "You've been hiding your ass."

The hand groped him again. It was like trying to wrestle an octopus. As soon as he got one hand under control, the other came into play. The stupid thing was that he wanted Rodney to touch him. He liked the feel of Rodney's hands on him. He pushed Rodney ahead of him but Rodney started veering off to the side of the track to hug a tree. He stepped back looking very disappointed, and John grabbed him to steer him back onto the path.

"It's not soft."

"It's a tree, McKay."

Thankfully, he could see the Stargate in the distance. John should have guessed what would happen next but Rodney turned with surprising speed and wrapped his strong arms around John, pressing his face into the juncture between shoulder and neck.

"You're softer. And you smell nice."

After a moment's hesitation John reached back and hugged Rodney, hating himself for indulging in his baser needs, but he had dreamed of having Rodney in his arms so often; dreamed of holding him this close. The reality felt even better than the dreams and he could not resist nuzzling the soft hair that smelled of Rodney's favorite shampoo.

"I like you," Rodney mumbled against his throat, his breath warm against John's skin.

"Yeah, buddy. I like you too."

Rodney hummed happily, and they traveled the final distance to the Stargate with Rodney's arms wrapped firmly around him like two lover's out for a stroll. John forced him to let go when they reached the DHD, ignoring Rodney's disappointed look as he started pressing the symbols for Atlantis.

"I was wrong. I don't like you."

It shouldn't have hurt but the words stabbed into John, and he pushed hard on to the center circle to engage the wormhole, but Rodney hadn't finished.

"I love you. You're my best friend. And if you didn't like skeevy priestesses and leather-clad space tramps, then I'd have you in my bed in a second."

Chuck's voice snapped John out of his shock and he fumbled the GDO to send through his ID, barely hearing Chuck's disembodied voice saying, "Lowering the shield."

He grabbed Rodney's arm and manhandled him back through the gate into Atlantis, to find Woolsey staring over the balcony looking concerned.

"Problem, Colonel Sheppard?"

"Rodney's...not well. I'll take him straight to Dr. Keller."

"Keep me informed."

"Will do."

****

Ten minutes later, Keller stepped out of the curtained-off area looking red-faced.

"We ran out of his usual medication so I put him on another...phenindamine. I should have made it clearer that it's a little stronger than he's used to. And I think he reacted to it a little differently than I expected."

John nodded, feeling a little irrational anger towards her. She should have made certain that Rodney was paying attention to her instructions before she let him leave, yet he knew from personal experience how difficult Rodney could be on occasion. Sometimes the man had to be shaken to make him stop and listen, and he'd been bitching about his allergies all that morning as an excuse to avoid going to New Athos.

"Fortunately, he doesn't need any medical intervention. This should wear off in a few hours, but I'll keep him here under observation just to be on the safe side."

John nodded again, trying not to show his anger.

"At least it wasn't as bad as the morphine overdose. All the pretty horses...," she joked.

Her smile faded and John knew he'd failed to hide his anger at that small reminder of the time Rodney had been shot in the ass with an arrow. It hadn't been a bundle of laughs running back to the gate, with Rodney crying out in agony with every step they took. It annoyed him that Keller was using it as playful banter when Rodney was supposed to be someone she had once cared about deeply. Obviously, she had watched the video feeds from that day and though John could understand a doctor wanting to know all about a patient, joking about it went beyond doctor-patient confidentiality in John's eyes.

"He'll sleep it off," she stated quietly, as if only now realizing her error. She moved away from him quickly, heading towards her office.

He realized he could still get to the naming ceremony on time if he took a Puddlejumper, but it didn't sound as much fun without Rodney to tease. Problem was, Teyla would kill him if he didn't show. He stepped around the curtain and stopped by Rodney's bed, staring down at him for longer than was seemingly considering Rodney was fast asleep. Reaching out, he patted Rodney on the thigh, letting his hand linger for a moment before turning away.

****

"So where's McKay?"

John shrugged. "He had a minor incident with some drugs. Keller's keeping him in for a few hours."

Ronon stared hard at him.

"Seriously. He's fine. Just needs to sleep it off."

"Okay."

Teyla gave him a pointed look when she emerged from the tent with Torren in her arms and noticed Rodney's absence, and John felt a little guilty even though none of it was his fault. The ceremony went well, considering the side looks he gained from Teyla and Kanaan, but John remembered his role and acted his part perfectly, watching as several other children of similar age were also presented to the Athosian people and _named_. Eventually, the ceremony was complete and everyone began eating and drinking.

Teyla smiled brightly at others, accepting their praises and compliments for her son as she moved through the crowd; eventually she made her way over to where John was standing with Ronon.

"Could Rodney not be spared from his duties?"

"Actually...we were halfway here when he fell ill. I had to take him back to Atlantis." John reached out quickly when her expression turned to worry. "He's fine. He took a few too many of those allergy pills and started seeing pink elephants."

"He was hallucinating?"

"He's fine. As I was saying to Ronon, a good night's sleep and he'll be as right as rain. Keller's watching over him."

Teyla reached out and took his hand, much to John's embarrassment. "I am certain Rodney will be fine, but perhaps now that you have completed your duty to Torren, you might wish to return to Atlantis?"

John sighed in relief. "Are you sure?"

"John. Rodney is also my team mate, and I shall not worry about him if I know you are watching over him."

"I'll head back in a while."

She grasped his shoulders and leaned in; John rested his forehead against hers, feeling some of the tension leave him as her understanding flowed over him. When he straightened, Ronon slapped him hard on the back, sending him stumbling.

"Tell McKay he missed the Parfola sweets."

****

Back in Atlantis, John stopped by medical as soon as he had checked in with Lorne to ensure all was well. Rodney was still asleep, looking no different to the way he had looked when John left him hours earlier. He looked over his shoulder as the curtain drew back, straightening a little as Keller entered. She moved over and checked Rodney's pulse and temperature before turning to John.

"I... Can we talk? In my office."

John felt like refusing but gave one sharp nod and followed her. She sank down into the chair behind her desk and pulled out a bottle that looked suspiciously like the one Carson used to stash in his office. He considered refusing the splash of whisky she poured into two glasses but knew he was being petty. He took a sip and licked his lips appreciatively. It was a good single malt.

"Do you want to know why I broke up with Rodney?"

John put the glass down on the desk. "That's between you and Rodney."

"No. Actually it's between YOU, me and Rodney."

"I don't see how--"

"With me, he was settling for second best. I thought I'd be happy with that but... I discovered I didn't want to be second best. We all deserved better than that."

John swallowed and looked away, feeling uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation. He started to push up from the seat. "I should really..."

"He wants you."

John froze.

"He's always wanted you. Just you." She gave a bitter smile. "I've always known that."

"I can't."

John escaped before she could say anything more, heading out to his favorite balcony. He needed to think. There were so many reasons why starting a relationship with Rodney would not be a great idea, and none of them had anything to do with military regulations and accusations of unprofessional relationships. He could easily weather that storm if some disgruntled marine or scientist reported them, especially since the formal repeal of DADT.

In the five years that he had served within the SGC, he had learned that the SGC was different to all other branches of the military in one respect. It upheld only one rule regarding fraternization, that neither party reported to the other. John reported to General O'Neill, whereas Rodney reported to Woolsey and the IOA. And although he was Rodney's team leader off-world, Rodney held equivalent rank on Atlantis. Of course the lines were somewhat blurred because Atlantis was an outpost in an alien galaxy run by an international committee and, as such, John was expected to defer to Woolsey--and Rodney--on non-military issues just as they had to defer to him on military matters.

So, no. The military rules and regulations were not a factor.

The problem was his own poor track record with relationships and his fear of ruining the best friendship he'd ever had by wanting more. Yet if five years in the Wraith-infested Pegasus had taught him anything it was that life for many was short--and the end brutal. He had almost lost Rodney so many times--to the Wraith, to death traps left behind by the Ancients, and even to accidents. So far their luck had held and they had both come back safely but John knew the odds against them were stacking up higher with every successful mission. Sooner or later, one of them would lose the other and for that reason alone, John wondered why he hesitated.

Today Rodney had experienced a bad reaction to some prescribed drugs. It wasn't too serious in this case, and seeing Rodney high had been pretty funny, but what if something bad did happen to either one of them? Could he look back and not feel regret for all the time they could have been together? Days, months, perhaps years if they were lucky.

Except he already knew the answer. He was already regretting the time spent thinking about it when he could be at Rodney's bedside, waiting for him to wake up. Straightening his shoulders, John retraced his footsteps back to Rodney and took a seat beside his bed, and when Rodney eventually stirred, John leaned over and waited until he saw Rodney's blue eyes crack open--and he smiled.

"Hey, buddy."

END


End file.
